I’ve written a lot on my journey from being a woman with borderline personality disorder to being a woman who no longer fits that criteria. I’ve reached remission at 24 years old, and when I allow myself the space to step back and take a look at where I have come from, it takes my breath away.
When I struggle with periods of feeling like I am not enough, I encourage myself to take a look at where I came from, and how gradual it all was. There are still times that the weight of my emotions feels too much for one woman to bear. That my abundance of feeling is too much for everyone that loves me. Just like they said to me. I spent a lifetime trying to shrink and expand at the same time.
The difference is, that these things are no longer crushing to me. I am grateful that I am able to experience life so intensely. Whenever I find myself drowning, I know that the shore is just to the horizon. I know that I had to go through this to help others ashore. It is my life’s calling.
My lovely, amazing therapist had me sit with the idea of no longer needing therapy this week. In the past, this would have destroyed me. I would have screamed and been sure that he wants to get rid of me. Many of the scenarios that I thought would kill me in my life only spoke to my resilience.
(Side note - heck no, I’m not stopping therapy, and I know now that the question was more of a test than it was an actual proposal.)
I feel myself mimicking all of the shifting energies of Autumn; the dying in order to become. The same energies ebbing and flowing, growing and changing. How fitting that in 10 days, I’ll be doing the same. Annie Katherine Velenovsky Morgan.